My Story
Hey, I'm Atticus
this is sort of a secondary blog, exclusively for talk about my experience as a trans man in todays world, I dont know if this means anything to anyone, but its mostly for me. hopefully this helps someone out there.
if you need help, or just someone to talk to, I will link the trevor project here, as they helped me a lot when i was a young kid trying to figure myself out
my story isnt really anything new, but i didnt always feel like this.
growing up I definetly was a girl, i liked girly things, i wore dresses, painted my nails, i loved the color pink (still do). my parents and family will tell you that i wasnt like this always, they'll tell you that its all just a phase, an act of rebellion if you will. but this is me, and this is who i am.
i think i started noticing something was off when puberty hit. i went from a genderless blob to a young woman. it was awful. i cried myself to sleep some nights becuase i hated myself, and the horrble meat prision i was stuck in. i felt trapped, like i couldnt breathe, like i was suffocating every day of my life.
my oldest brother is trans, and although we dont talk anymore (due to reasons im not gonna go into here) he really is what made me consider my identity around highschool.
freshman year, right after the pandemic hit, i had a lot of time to think. to put things into perspective, to think long and hard about what was wrong with me, why i felt so alone in my experience as a woman. i (at the time) with the help of others came to the conclusion that i was a demigirl (it keeps going, lol) sophmore year, started going by she/they pronouns. junior year, i changed my name to arsen and started using all pronouns, end of senior year and into that summer, i changed my name to atticus and went by he/him pronouns, which is where i still am today.
i started my medical transistion about four and a half months ago, and i can very confidently say that its been the best decision i've ever made. i have never been happier, and honestly i can't wait till my facial hair starts growing in more.
my current dose is .35 mg of T, i might up it because i'm trying to speedrun this XD, i want my results as fast as humanly possible.
i am in a weird stage of my transistion, where i don't really look like a guy but dont look like a girl either. but what i've learnt that helps me seem more masculine is that you 1) dont smile at other men (women, babies and animals is okay) 2) use dude slang as much as possible (bro, man, dude, boss, ect) and 3) pick up a "manly" hobby so you have small talk to make with other guys (i chose weight lifting and working out). obviously you don't have to do any of this, i just found out this is what works the most for me.
6 months on T now, and ive learnt some things lol.
the bar is so low for men. im learning that when i show basic human kindness people will comment on how nice and kind i am. i dont know if its something that is happening now that im more manly looking, or if its because im actually nicer than the average person. its so weird. at work i moved a woman to tears because of how nice i was (got a free drink out of it though, so good to know my kindness was rewarded lol, not that it needed to be). i i dont know. its so weird.
but now i know how low the bar is lul.